


All I Had of You

by Riocat01



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV), SanSan - Fandom, Sansa Stark/Sandor Clegane - Fandom, sansa and sandor - Fandom, sansa and the hound
Genre: Canon Divergent, Childbirth, F/M, Loss of Virginity(mentioned), Pregnancy, Sexual Intercourse (mentioned)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-08
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2020-10-12 14:28:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20565875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Riocat01/pseuds/Riocat01
Summary: Sandor Clegane had come to Sansa during the Battle of Blackwater Bay and she had gifted him with so much more than just a song. He had left her with so much more than just the memory of a kiss.A Canon Divergent alternate depiction of the Battle of Blackwater Bay, and events following.





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sansa loves Sandor with all of her heart. When he come to her the night of the Blackwater, she had willingly given him all of that love, and all of herself. Ashamed and feeling that he had taken advantage of her, Sandor disappears into the night, leaving Sansa carrying more than just the memories of their passion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m using Shae as a positive and protective character in this canon divergent work. I never bought that she would betray Sansa, and always thought she got a bad rap.

Sandor had come to Sansa during the Battle of Blackwater Bay, and she had given him so much more than just a song. Sansa shared all of herself with the man she had come to realize she loved. Despite her declarations of adoration to him, Sandor was in such despair and had for so long locked himself behind the mask of his burns that he did not believe she truly loved him. Neither did he believe her maiden gift had been given to him willingly. He saw the fear in her eyes. He did not realize it was a fear that had been placed there by the fiery night, and by the real monsters who had plagued her existence in Kings Landing. Sansa, could not make Sandor understand that she had no fear of him. When he asked Sansa to leave with him she had hesitated. She understood what would happen to both of them if they were caught. Sandor mistook her fear of those who held her hostage and who would surely kill them both if discovered, for fear of him. If only he had given her a few moments more, she would have agreed to his offer of rescue. Tragically misinterpreting her actions, he did not give her that time. Wracked with guilt and shame he had fled, leaving her there with the memory of their love.

It was Shae who realized that Sansa was pregnant a few months later. She noticed that her young mistress had not bled for two cycles of the moon, that she was wracked with boughts of unexplained sickness, and that her body was becoming softer and more supple as the servant dressed Sansa each morning. Shae had expected her young charge to be frightened or ashamed upon hearing the news. She was certain her mistress had been assaulted and had hidden the attack. Instead Sansa was overjoyed and excited.

“A child?” Sansa had questioned upon hearing Shae determine her condition. Her trembling hands instinctively and protectively covered her stomach, just beginning to round with the life she carried inside. Her eyes then filled with dreamy tears. “His child.” She whipered to herself as her mind lost itself once again to thoughts of Sandor. She had dreamt of him since that night, and her heart ached for him now. She wanted him there with her more than she could bear. At least she had a part of him. It was all she had of him.

Shae heard her timid acknowledgment. “ Whose Child?” she demanded.

At first Sansa was unwilling to convey the identity of her baby’s father, even to her friend and confidant. Shae understood there was much Sansa was not telling her.

“This news is not unexpected, nor unwelcome then?” Shae asked quietly.

Sansa lifted her eyes slowly from the wonderous new focus of her unborn child. “No. It is neither.” She answered smiling shyly.

“Who’s baby are you carrying?” Shae demanded of Sansa once more.

Sansa closed her eyes dreaming of the face she had memorized. The one in which she found no ugliness. The one that had become her strength. When she looked up at Shae there was pride in her voice. “Sandor Clegane.”

Shae’s eyes widened as she imagined what must have transpired for the young daughter of Winterfell to have conceived the child of such a man. “He took advantage of you?” Her tone was more a confirmation than a question.

Sansa stuck out her chin indignantly. “No! He did not!” She protested. “I allowed him my maiden prize willingly. More than willingly. I wanted every moment of what we shared. I love him.” Sansa reported.

Shae’s confusion turned to terror. “Do you have any idea what you’ve done?” She pleaded. Her brow creased with worry.

“I fell in love.” Sansa murmured still living in her happy dream.

“Do you think the Lannisters are just going to happily congratulate you and send you back to Winterfell to have your bast...” The chambermaid caught herself and remembered her place. “To birth your child?” Sansa blinked back the tears that were beginning to fill her eyes at the words she knew were true.

“They’ll let you live long enough to give birth to your child, and then they’ll kill it front of you just for the pleasure of watching your misery.” Shae ranted. “Then they will execute you!” Shae left Sansa’s side only to pace nervously around the room.

In an instant Sansa’s joy turned to terror. Her grasp tightened around her belly. Her breath came in shallow spurts as the tears slipped unbidden from her eyes. Shae was right. She knew it. “Help me, Shae.” She pleaded. “Don’t let them hurt my baby.”

Shae raced to her mistress, and embraced her. “Forget what I just said. I’d kill them all or die myself before I’ll let that happen.” She comforted. “I’ll figure out something, and I’ll get you both out of here.” She promised laying her hand warmly on Sansa’s abdomen. “Soon. Very very soon!”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shae proves true to her word, and finds a way to keep Sansa safe. Sandor begins to feel the pain and regret of leaving his Little Bird in Kings Landing.

Somehow Shae kept her promise. Late in the night a few weeks after discovering Sansa’s pregnancy, and only weeks before it surely would have become known to all, she quietly slipped her mistress down through the depths of the Red Keep and out to a wagon that was waiting on the beach. A thin eastern looking man was at the reins. Sansa stopped in fear when she saw him.

“It’s alright, Love.” Shae reassured her. “He’s a friend.”

The man climbed down from his seat to help Sansa into the back of the wagon. The floor and been packed with soft straw and covered with blankets, Sansa suspected at Shae’s insistence. Shae bid the young mother-to-be to lie down and covered her with another large blanket. “You’ll be fine. Try to sleep,” Shae smiled at her as she drew the blanket loosely over her head to hide her.

Sansa tried to rest, she wanted to. As her baby grew she found that fatigue seemed to be her constant companion. She had only recently begun to feel the little twinges of movement inside her that told her the baby was well, and happy, and growing. The jostling of the wagon must not have been to her child’s liking, and she began to feel more tiny flutters as they traveled away into the night. She gently traced circles on her growing belly to comfort her child and to calm herself.

“It’s alright Precious One.” She looked at her stomach and silently mouthed. “We’re safe. No one will take you from me.” She told herself. A tear found its way down her cheek as she thought of how wonderful it would be to spend this time with her baby’s father. She wished for it to have been his hands that caressed her growing frame, and his words that soothed them both.

“Oh Sandor. “Where are you?” ” Sansa whipered to the night before finally finding sleep.  
*********************************  
Hundreds of miles away Sandor Clegane lay in the dark on the cold ground listening to Arya Stark recite her blasted kill list for what seemed the hundredth time. His ears were filled with her babbling, but his mind and his heart were filled with thoughts of her sister. How could he have left her in that place all alone? He hated himself for what he had done. For taking the gift she so willingly offered, and then retreating in the night. He had begun to think that maybe the fear he had seen in her eyes that night had nothing to do with him. She had sufffered so much. Her life had been fear for so long, naturally his lovely Little Bird would question every option set before her. Regret had become his constant mood. He saw her sweet face in every thought that passed through his mind. He heard her voice on the wind, and her touch still tingled upon his skin.

Only after he was certain the youngest Stark girl was asleep on her bed roll did he allow himself to sit upright and peer at the stars. Sometimes it helped to think that Sansa was somewhere beneath the same sky, but not much. She had declared her love for him, and he had not believed her. How could he have been so senseless. He had abandoned her to a fate he did not want to imagine. He wondered if she even thought if him. If he turned now, raced Stranger back to Kings Landing, and stormed its very walls with his bare hands, would she go with him or laugh in his face? He was certain the kind of gift she offered, a life with her, would not be bestowed twice. ‘You’re a fool, Clegane.’ Sandor told himself. He was sure he would never see Sansa Stark again. He longed to be with her. He had loved her from the first moment he had clamped eyes on her at Winterfell. He would love her until the day he died.

“Oh Little Bird.” His voice rasped breathlessly into the night. “I’m so sorry!”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sansa and Sandor both long for each other, as she lives in hiding, and he struggles to find his way.

Sansa’s reeling mind had barely come to terms with the fact that she was going to have a baby and all that entailed, when she found herself living in hiding with Shae in a modest cottage near a small village far from Kings Landing. The only detail Shae would share with the bewildered girl was that they were near the Vale. Upon learning her relative location Sansa beamed, telling her companion that her aunt was mistress of the Eyrie, and would surely help her. She was surprised by Shae’s vehement reaction that they could absolutely not go to her aunt. That no one must know where she was until they were safe at Winterfell. Although she did not quite understand, Sansa had no choice but to agree.

Her temporary home was not unpleasant, and would be a peaceful place in which to bring her child into the world. However, she could not help but wonder how an unassuming servant had been able to procure such accommodations. 

“I had a life before I came to Kings Landing. I made friends.” Was all Shae would tell her. Still Sansa was a bit nervous at just who those friends might be. She tried to focus on the little life growing inside her instead of her suspicions. 

One late night, well into Sansa’s seventh month of pregnancy, Shae awoke to find her sitting near the fire crying. She hurried to Sansa’s side overwhelmed with concern.

“What is it, Dear?” She questioned. “Is it the baby?”

Sansa sniffled and caught her breath through her sobs. “No. The baby’s fine.” She rubbed her large belly and smiled at Shae, touched by her friend’s thoughtfulness. “I...It’s just I...” She struggled to find her words. “I dreamed of him again.” 

Shae’s concern turned to indignation. “Of Clegane?” She nearly spat.

“Yes.” Sansa’s tears began again. “I know it’s pointless, but I want him here so desperately...”

Shae did not give her the opportunity to finish, “He’s the last thing you should be concerned with!” Shae’s disdain was obvious. “He got what he wanted, and left you there for the vultures. I’m quite sure he hasn’t given you a second thought.”

Sansa could not help but defend the man she loved. “It wasn’t like that. He was hurting. I comforted him.” Sansa confided. “We both wanted each other so badly, it just happened. I know he loves me, too. He would be here if he knew. If he could.” She sniffed. “I know you don’t like him, Shae.” Sansa acknowledged. “But please try to understand how much he means to me. How much he will always mean to me.” She rubbed her abdomen to quiet the kicks his child was delivering to her insides. 

Shae softened at Sansa’s distress. She remembered how protective The Hound had been of Sansa in Kings Landing, and she despised seeing her so upset. Surely there must be something decent about him if a sweet soul like Sansa could love him. “Well, you are carrying his child.” Shae conceded. “I suppose it is only natural you would think of him.”

“I feel that he is so very close.” Sansa lamented. “I wish he were here.”

As Shae comfortingly embraced her, Sansa’s thoughts continue to run wild with longing for Sandor. ‘I need you, My Love. Please come to me.’ Her mind said to the night.  
***********************************  
Closer than Sansa could have imagined, Sandor Clegane bolted upright, startled out his fitful sleep. He had seen his Little Bird again in his dreams. She was crying. There was something wrong. Something he could not discern. He had heard her sweet voice, but it was so filled with pain, “I need you, My Love. Please come to me.” She had cried for him. Surely it was only a dream. Surely she had forgotten him, but it seemed so real. Sandor Clegane did not find sleep again that night.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sansa learns the truth about her generous benefactor.

As her time grew nearer, Sansa grew more and more uncomfortable. Each time she lay down at night her baby would begin kicking her steadily and hard. She was happy to know that her child had apparently inherited it’s father’s strength. She was, however, exhausted and knew she needed to rest for the ordeal she would soon face. Luckily, the baby did allow her to nap in the afternoons and Sansa took full advantage of that luxury. This day, her aching body begged her for just one more pillow upon which to nestle her rounded abdomen. Shae had walked to the village as she had done several times during their stay. Always returning with food she had purchased, or material make a larger dress for Sansa. Sansa was certain her caregiver would not mind if she borrowed one of her pillows during the nap she so desperately needed.

Sansa made her way heavily into Shae’s small bedchamber, and softly lifted a pillow from the bed. In one fluid movement something fluttered from beneath the cushion and landed on the bedspread. It was a folded piece of parchment. Wishing to return Shae’s possession, Sansa lifted it carefully and reached to lay it atop of the remaining pillow. It was then that she noticed the broken red wax that had sealed the letter. It was the seal of the Lannister lion.

Sansa’s heart lept into her throat, and she could not find breath in her lungs. With trembling fingers the girl unfolded the parchment and read the words scripted inside.

“I am happy to impart to you that our deception has taken root. Our plans should come to full fruition by the time the child is born.”

The blood drained from Sansa’s head, and the color from her face. She fought herself not to faint. Her mind struggled to grasp the reality of what she had discovered. Was this how Shae had managed to escape Kings Landing with her? Was it why she had been been able to lodge her in such a comfortable cottage? What were the plans of which the writer spoke? In how much danger was she? What had already been planned for her unborn child?

As her mind reeled Shae’s voice broke her shock. “Sansa?” The woman questioned from behind her.

Sansa spun on her heels, breathless. She stared at Shae with disbelief. Holding up the parchment now crushed in a vice grip, she could barely whisper. “What...what is this?” She begged.

“You weren’t meant to find that.” Shae spoke coolly, her eyes narrowing.

“Obviously not!” Sansa sputtered.

Shae stepped toward her mistress. Sansa backed away from her cautiously. Searching for something she could use to protect herself.

Shae could see Sansa’s shock, and tried to reach out to support her. The girl again dodged her attempt to draw closer. “Calm yourself, please.” Shae pleaded. “Your distress, it could bring the baby early. Please.”

“I suppose that would ruin your plans.” Sansa yelled.

“Please let me explain.” Shae begged. Her face pained. “It is not what you think.”

“What else could it possibly be?” Sansa questioned. “Which Lannister is this from? Cersei? Tywin? Joffrey?” Sansa demanded.

“Sansa...” Shae’s voice sounded almost hurt.

“Who?” Sansa screamed. The intensity of her tone startled even her.

Shae drew a breath, not wanting to tell what she knew.

“Tell Me!” Sansa screamed again.

Worried that Sansa might send herself into premature labor, Shae submitted and answered, “Lord Tyrion!” She admitted.

Sansa’s confusion overtook her understanding and she shook her head to try to clear it. “Lord Tyrion?” She continued. “What would Lord Tyrion want with me, or my baby?” Sansa cradled her heavy belly protectively. Her thoughts came at her disjointedly. He was a Lannister. His family’s interests would be his as well. A Stark heir raised in their midst could be priceless to them, even better than holding her as a hostage in Kings Landing. A key to the North. Her baby was also a Clegane. They were Lannister bannermen. With Sandor nowhere to be found, would they hand the child over to his monsterous brother to raise and torture, creating another indentured weapon for their arsenal? Her head spun with a myriad of dark possibilities, each more disgusting than the last.

“Sansa. Please let me explain.” Shae pleaded. Sansa nodded, barely hearing.

“I told Tyrion that you were expecting. I begged him to help you.” Shae admitted.

“You told him?” Sansa heart broke with betrayal. “I didn’t realize you and he were so close.” She mocked.

Shae averted her eyes from Sansa’s accusatory stare. “We are.” She whispered. “We’ve been lovers for over a year.” Shae had never told anyone about her relationship with Tyrion.

“So naturally you would do his bidding.” Sansa bit back, not yet ready to trust Shae’s words again.

“Yes. I would.” Shae nodded. “But he only wishes to see you protected.”

“The letter talks of deception.” Sansa continued to accuse raising the parchment she still clutched in her palm. “Deception upon whom? Me?”

“Oh no.” Shae shook her head vehemently . “Deception against the rest of the Lannisters.” She continued. “Remember, there is no love lost between Tyrion and his family. He was disgusted by their treatment of you. Helping you is his way of seeing whatever plans they had in keeping you a hostage ruined. He needed to keep his assistance secret. His family would consider it treason.”

Unable to stand any longer, Sansa sank to the bed as Shae continued to explain herself. “Please, let me show you something.” She went to the chest of drawers across the room and retrieved another folded parchment. Returning to the bed, she sat next to Sansa and handed it to her. The writing inside matched the letter she had found. She withdrew warily from Shae as she read what was written on the page.

“I am relieved you and Lady Sansa made it to the cottage without incident. Give her anything she needs. Money is no object. When she and her child are ready, see her safely to Winterfell. Stay with her there until I send for you. I can only hope our actions will in some small way repair even a bit of the damage my family has done to her.”

The rest of the letter contained declarations of Tyrion’s love for Shae and described how much he missed her. Sansa blushed to read it.

“You see.” Shae softened. “The way you feel about Sandor Clegane is the same I way I feel about Tyrion Lannister.” Tears came to Shae’s eyes. Sansa had never seen her cry before. “I would do anything for him. I would also do anything for you...and for your child. You are the sister and the daughter I never had. I love you Sweet Child.” Shae grasped her hand, entreating Sansa to believe her.

Sansa nodded her head weakly, her own tears beginning to flow. “Lord Tyrion has always been kind to me.” She thought of how he had come to her rescue when Joffrey had her beaten in the throne room. When even Sandor had been powerless to stop them. Both he and Sansa knowing any action by him to stop the young tyrant would have surely cost his life. She thought of how Tyrion had interrupted her and Sandor in the passageway when he had first wanted a song from her. Tyrion had thought he was protecting Sansa. He did not understand the feelings passing between the guard and the young woman. She also remembered Tyrion’s concern when Sandor had carried her back into the Red Keep after rescuing her the day of the riots, when Sansa could not take her eyes from her tall strong protector.

Sansa realized that Shae too had always protected her. “I believe you.” She finally calmed. “Forgive me for thinking the worst. I suppose I’m a bit on edge right now.”

Shae gave her a loving nod. “There is nothing to forgive. You are a mother wolf protecting her cub. I would expect nothing less.”

Sansa smiled, and took Shae’s hands in hers. “I’m glad Lord Tyrion told you to stay at a Winterfell. Please say you will.” She begged.

“Of course. I will stay and serve you and your child for as long as you will have me.” Shae agreed.

“I vow that you shall always have a place by my hearth and meat and mead at my table, and pledge to ask no service of you that might bring you into dishonor. I swear it by the old gods and the new." Sansa promised to her friend.

The two relieved women embraced happily grateful for each other.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sansa finally delivers her child, all she has of Sandor.

Finally, late in the evening on a pleasantly warm but exhaustingly uncomfortable day spent resting in the garden, Sansa began to feel the first sharp pains of childbirth. Shae was at her side in an instant seeing her double over in agony. Sansa was excited that her child would soon be born, but terrified at what she would endure over the coming hours.

Throughtout the long night, as Sansa’s contractions grew worse, Shae helped her as best she could. The servant had drawn the young mother a warm bath. She rubbed her tense shoulders, and supported her as she paced between her spasms. Early the next morning, with her water having broken moments before and her labor intensifying, Shae ordered Sansa into her birthing bed.

Sansa desperately clutched her tightening abdomen as another long hard wave of pain wracked her body. “Is it supposed to hurt this much?” She begged Shae through her gasps.

Shae wiped Sansa’s sweat soaked brow with a cool wet cloth, and then took the girl’s hands in her own. She looked pitifully into the younger woman’s frantic eyes. “Yes, my dear. It is.” She confirmed. “And I’m afraid the worst is yet to come.”

Sansa gave a dejected long sigh, and began to cry. She was nearly ready to give in. “I don’t think I can do this.” She sobbed.

Shae’s let lose of Sansa’s clutching hands and moved to hold her face. “Yes, you can. You will get through this. You will get your baby through this.” Shae needed to help her find the strength in herself she did not know she had. “You are a Stark. Your child is a Stark. Whatever you need to endure, you are strong enough to bare. You will bring your child safely into this world. You owe it to your family and your ancestors.” Shae then realized the words that would bring Sansa’s spirit back to her. “You will do it for him...for the child’s father. He is a warrior. You owe him a strong, wellborn child.”

At that Sansa breathed in deeply, trying to draw in the very determination she needed. She wanted the pain to stop. She wanted her child to be born at Winterfell. She wanted her mother to be there. More than anything else Sansa wanted Sandor to be with her. She longed for him to share the birth of their child, to see their baby come into the world. She needed him to help her be strong now.

“I wanted him here with me.” Sansa confided to Shae, wincing with pain as she began to feel the need to push.

Shae’s sympathetic face turned serious. “Then focus on him. Whatever it is that you love in him, that you need in him, feel it surrounding you. See only his face. Hear only his voice. Imagine his arms holding you. Draw him near to you, and he will be here.”

Sansa blinked back her tears, and nodded. She could wait no longer. The pressure in her abdomen creating an unbearable need to push. Her child was ready to be born. Defiantly she scooted herself up to a sitting position, spread her knees, and grabbed for Shae’s hand. “Help me!” She implored.

Shae smiled proudly at her and moved near so she could supervise both Sansa and the child she was bearing. Now a midwife, Shae took Sansa’s outstretched hand and placed her other under the girl’s tightening belly, eagerly providing the resistance Sansa needed. She nodded supportively. “Alright Love, Push!” She ordered.

Drawing in her breath, Sansa gritted her teeth, bent her chin to her chest and urgently complied letting out an unintended yet uncontrollable guttural moan as she felt her baby moving down toward the life she was desperate to give it. Her best intentions only triggering harder, deeper, more urgent needs. She clutched the sheets in one hand, and Shae’s fingers with the other and repeated her efforts.

“That’s it!” Shae coached. “That’s it! Push!”

Over and over, through gritted teeth, Sansa moaned as she bore down hard against the urgent pains in her belly. She was certain it would never end. She had never known such immeasurable agony as her laboring. She could no longer tell where one contraction stopped and the next one started. For hours she fought exhaustion, straining to bring her babe forth.

Sansa’s mind was so focused on her baby’s father that it was almost as if he were in the room with her. His face Filled her thoughts. As she squeezed the sheets next to her for comfort she imagined it was his hand. She imagined him holding her shoulders and bolstering her. How she wanted it to be real. A strong push brought her baby further down into her hips, Sansa was ravaged with pain she could scarcely bear as her body began to stretch and open to bring forth her child. She was nearly in shock. Her mind centered on him, she tried to draw in his strength. The pain too terrible. “Sandor!” She screamed out to the night.

Over the hours Shae watched Sansa finding her incredible strength, and encouraged the young mother through her pain. Sansa’s desperate moans had turned to fervent cries, and were now urgent screams as she felt her baby at last emerging from her own body.

“One more!” Shae urged.

Sansa fought exhaustion, she was nearly delirius. Her body had long since taken over and she was not in control as her muscles worked forcefully to give birth. Finally, her raw throat expelled a violent scream as the last of her baby’s body left her. Then wonderously, Sansa’s own pain ravaged voice was replace by the sweet sound of her child’s angry and healthy first cry.

“It’s a girl!” Shae’s grinned, crying herself as she held up the squalling infant to meet her mother.

Sansa’s breath caught in her throat. Her mouth opened in a smile of disbelief. Her ordeal completely forgotten, she held out her arms begging for her child.

Shae layed the still wet baby girl in Sansa’s waiting arms. The new mother drew her newborn babe to her, and kissed the tiny face of which she had been dreaming. Her painful gasps turned to happy sobs. Her eyes wide in happy shock at how much she already loved her child, Sansa blinked at Shae, “She’s so beautiful!” Sansa moved her gaze back to her child. She swore she could see Sandor in every aspect and in the very essence of their daughter.

“Oh my Sweet Love.” She cooed as she nuzzled her child. “Your father would be so proud.”

Shae helped Sansa finish her delivery as she cuddled her newborn, then brought a basin of warm water and fresh cloths to wash the infant. Sansa’s joy overtook the fatigue that was setting in as she rested back against the pillows and Shae showed her how to feed her baby. Sansa watched her child in awe as she nursed her. The newborn instinctively taking from her own body what she had to give to sustain her. She was amazed that her own instincts were already so very strong. Finally relaxing she beamed with pride.

Shae stared at them happily. “I’m so proud of you!” She praised Sansa. “What will her name be?” She asked.

“I’m not giving her a name.” Sansa announced defiantly.

Shae’s confusion shadowed her face. “The girl will have no name?” She questioned.

“Her father will give her a name.” Sansa declared. “I will find him. He is so very close. I can feel it. We will be together, and he will name his child.” Something deep inside her told Sansa that she and Sandor would be together again. “Until then I will call her what he always called me. Little Bird!”  
******************************  
All that evening and late into the night Sandor Clegane’s mood was fitful. He felt sour and angry even for a man who was always sour and angry. During their travels, at some inn somewhere, he and Arya overheard a merchant from Kings Landing relaying news that Lady Sansa had fled the capital and no one had heard anymore of her. The breath left his lungs and his blood ran cold in his veins upon learning that she had disappeared. Now Sandor was certain something was terribly wrong. His Little Bird needed him, he could feel it in his bones. He had no appetite for the game that had been found that day, and barked so much at Arya that she decided to turn in early and avoid him altogether. She even recited her kill list at some distance so as not to raise his ire. He was glad of it. He wanted to be alone.

Leaving Stranger to guard Arya as she slept, Sandor took his sword and walked as deep into the woods as he dared. The entire time his mind was bombarded with thoughts of Sansa. There was no understanding as to why, now, he suddenly sensed her need for him so strongly. It had happened before. During the riots, somehow, he had known exactly where to find her. It was as if some unseen force had been guiding his steps to where the mob had her cornered. Even during the Blackwater he had felt her fear and had deserted the battle to go to her. He had no interest in pondering too deeply about the reasons why this night. He was now certain that her declaration of love for him had indeed been truthful, and he had made then greatest mistake of his life. He would give anything to fix it if he could.

All that mattered to him now was her. The only thing on his mind was wondering how he could find her. He wanted take his sword and cut through every tree in Westeros until a path was laid bare straight to her. He wanted to roar so loud that the ground would shake, and the sky would open, and the only things left would be her and him. His love for Sansa was so great that he felt it could be done. Sandor wanted that night back. The night of the Blackwater, when they had shared so much. She had offered him everything he ever wanted and he had been too afraid to take it.

Yes, he’d been afraid. Afraid of her. Afraid of that tiny creature so fragile he could have crushed her with one hand. So kind she was the only one, except for his own dear sister, who had ever seen any good in him at all. Sansa had been so loving to him. All she wanted was to take away his pain. It was her love that had frightened him the most. He had hardened himself for so long that he was certain there was nothing left in him to love. Then there she was. His Little Bird peering so deeply into his soul, wanting only to love him. Offering her heart to him. Opening himself to her was something he was too ashamed to do. What would she think of him when she knew all he had done?

Oh, how he loved her. He longed to see her now. He wished for the taste of her kiss on his lips again. The feel of her soft skin against his rough fingers. He could feel the sensation of their bodies lying together, each needing the other. Her breath so sweet as he inhaled it. Standing alone in a forest so far from her, his body remembered the passion they had shared. The feel of her warm softness around him, had driven him wild beckoning him deeper into her. The pleasure of feeling her body reacted to his had thrilled him. He remembered how she had shuttered and arched in his arms when they reached the height of their passions. He saw her beautiful flawless face spent from their desires, dreamy eyes gazing softly at him so filled with love. His heart now wrenched to think that she was in trouble.

Sandor stopped in his tracks. He stood breathless and stared up into the cloudless starry sky. Pain filled his face as he whispered a prayer to the gods in which he did not believe. “Please lead me on the path to her.” He begged.

Then he hung his head in shame and longing. Tears stung his eyes. “Oh Sansa, my Little Bird, my Love. Where are you?”

As if answering his question Sandor heard her voice urgently calling his name. Surely his mind was tricking him. He spun around, searching for her in every direction, his eyes wild with desperation. He heard her crying, then he heard her voice yelling out in agony. It was a torture to his soul. She seemed to be all around him. Then it was as if there were more than one of her. He stopped as confusion clouded his mind. He could not bare this. What was wrong?

The wind brought the sound of her scream to his ears. Then only a moment later, somewhere far off in the distance he swore he heard the cry of a newborn babe.


	6. Chapter 6

When Sansa had healed and Shae had determined that she and her newborn were fit enough to travel, the little group continued their trek north to Winterfell. The small hay wagon that had brought Sansa to the cottage were her daughter was born had been suddenly replaced by a slightly larger caravan wagon. Sansa and the baby were able to ride in relative comfort, enclosed and hidden in the back. Shae, wrapped in a large dark cloak, drove the horse that had also mysteriously appeared,  
from a partially covered seat shielded somewhat from prying eyes. Sansa was certain that Lord Tyrion had arranged their new mode of travel. She vowed she would find a way to thank him someday.

As they journeyed, Shae was careful to avoid the Kings Road which would certainly have been crawling with Lannister men eager to make names for themselves in the royal household by returning an escaped fugitive. Shae kept them instead on the back roads. Whenever the opportunity presented itself she would stop the wagon at an inn to let mother and child rest and warm themselves by the hearth fire of the small rooms they would let. Shae insisted on secreting the wagon in a safe place, and first walking to the inns they found while Sansa hid with the baby. Shae would examine each establishment and decide if it was safe before allowing Sansa and her child anywhere near the unfamiliar places.

It was while surveying one of those small inns that Shae noticed a huge menacing figure of a man sitting at a table in the shadows toward the back of the large dining room. The man was dressed in the dark studded leather clad armor that she had see on the Kingsguard in Kings Landing. His attire, however, was faded and worn. He was seated with his back to the door and Shae could not see his face, but something told her she needed to investigate this traveler more closely. As she approached he barked something to the young boy seated next to him.

Drawing in a sharp breath, Shae needed only to hear his rasping tone to know who the man was. Sandor Clegane, the man Sansa had been dreaming of, yearning for these past months was sitting barely five feet from her. For a moment she saw herself turning and leaving, returning to Sansa and taking the girl and her baby far from there. A part of her thought it would be best if her young friend never saw this man again. She had to fight herself to stand her ground. Then she thought of the pain Sansa had endured being parted from him. How her dear mistress had cried in the night for him, longed for him to be with her when their child had been born, and ached for him still. She would not allow Sansa to suffer one moment longer. If it was the last thing she did, she would see Sansa reunited with the man she loved, this day.

Shae summoned all the fight she had in her, drew herself up to her fullest stature, took a step forward and bellowed, "Clegane!"

Sandor Clegane did not even tense upon hearing his name shouted at him like a threat. He hardly stopped chewing his last bite of food. He could tell from the voice that the owner was a woman. Surely, some other piece of collateral damage he had wronged in his murderous life, just like the little shit he'd had to drag half way across Westeros who sat beside him. Letting out an annoyed sigh, Sandor reached for his ale and drained it, slamming the flagon down on the table. He did not have time for this. He had other, more important things on his mind, namely his Little Bird. When he felt like it, he stood and turned towering over everyone in the room. The dark haired woman who confronted him barely reached his chest at full height, and he scoffed in amusement.

Shae hid any fear she had well, mostly aided by her deep anger. She breathed in and took another step toward him. "Do you know who I am?" She challenged.

"Should I?" He mocked.

"Me, you have no cause to remember, however we do have a mutual acquaintance." Shae informed him. "A very dear one."

Sandor studied the tiny woman who meant nothing to him, and wondered at the meaning of her words. After a moment it came to him. The recognition and what it might mean would have knocked a lesser man off his feet. Sandor, however, was extremely well practiced at hiding his reactions, and his emotions.

"You're the Little Bird's maid." Sandor acknowledged, hoping her presence meant Sansa was as close to him as he sensed she was.

"Sansa?" Arya blurted, unable to hide her shock, and eager for any news of her sister.

Shae could tell from the cadence of Clegane's small companion's voice that she was no boy. She knew immediately who the girl was. "You're Arya Stark." She said in amazement.

Sandor quickly searched the room for any sign of his Little Bird. She was not here. Suddenly his anger at this woman was only eclipsed by that he had for himself. "So." He judged. "You've quit her too?"

Shae glared at him indignantly, and thrust her chin out in triumph. "No! I have not!" She gloated.

Sandor stood staring angrily at the the tiny woman whose words shamed him, his anger boiling. Yet he could not move, could barely breathe. Did her words mean Sansa was close? He did not have to ask as Arya charged ahead.

"Is she near?" Sansa's little sister asked excitedly.

Shae smiled at her. "Yes. She is." Her sentence was finished with another disapproving glare in Sandor's direction.

"Oh please, take me to her!" Arya begged.

"Yes, of course I will." Shae agreed. As she turned to lead the way she threw a contemptuous nod in Sandor's direction. "I suppose you'll be coming, too." She snarled.

They quickly left the inn via a route that Sandor realized meant Sansa was in hiding. He was at least thankful that her maid seemed to also be her protector, and was relieved that her safety seemed to be paramount in the woman's mind. His mind was reeling between happiness and fear. The aching gnawings of memory and emotion that had plagued his soul over the past weeks meant he had been correct. Sansa had been so close the whole time. He knew it. Now, all his dreams lay just ahead of him. Never had he felt such joy. Yet, fear gripped his heart. He knew the chances were strong that she may not want to see him. He was after all, the one who had left. How desperately he hoped she would want him to stay. Never in any battle he had faced had Sandor felt such trepidation play on his mind. His feet felt like lead. His breath came in nervous spurts, and his entire body felt numb as he walked the path that Shae led.

After a short while they came upon a small caravan wagon hidden in the trees. There was no sign of his Little Bird. It appeared abandoned, and Sandor at first wondered if this had been some sort of trick. Perhaps an attempt to kidnap Arya. Instinctively he laid his hand in the hilt of his sword to be ready. From the corner of his eye, Sandor noticed Arya do the same. He had trained her well.

Shae walked confidently up to the small door at the back of the wagon, Arya by her side. His senses already alert, Sandor flanked the wagon on the other side of the door, to prevent any ambush that might be waiting. The small woman gave a few short knocks on the doorframe, obviously some kind of code. After which there was a faint rustling inside the wagon, and the door opened timidly.

It was her sister that Sansa saw first. "Arya!" She gasped climbing down the few ladder steps that led to the ground. She rushed to embrace the younger Stark. "Where have you been? Why did you disappear? Why didn't you let me know you were alright?" Sansa's questions came too fast for her sister to answer. Arya's face gleamed with a smile that matched Sansa's. "I've missed you so." Sansa declared.

Sansa's eyes glanced happily and amazed at Shae who smiled at her friend's joy. "I found her at the inn." She reported, her eyes then moved past Sansa focusing on something just over her shoulder, "And..." Shae nodded in Sandor's direction.

Sansa rose, straightened, and released her sister from their embrace. Her eyes quickly questioned Shae as finally she turned and saw the man of whom she had dreamt for so long. Sansa and Sandor stared at each other. Both unsure if the other was truly real. They had parted not quite as friends, barely lovers, yet both so intensely needing the other it was now clear their connection was so much more.

Sansa had imagined this moment in her thoughts so many times, but now that he was truly there all she could do was stare. Had he been so close this whole time, just like she had hoped? All the longing she had felt for him, not only while they had been separated, but during their time in Kings Landing came flooding back her. Every time she had watched him when she thought he did not see. All the moments he had known she needed him and he had appeared at her side from out of nowhere. She again saw the night they had shared, the love that had created the baby now sleeping in her cradle inside the wagon. Sansa felt the despair she had known watching him walk out of her door, and the heartache knowing he was gone. She swore to herself she would never let him leave again. At last, Sansa forced her feet to move. Although her body was numb and her head was swimming, she stepped softly and slowly to stand in front of the man she loved until only inches separated them. With soft trembling fingers she reached up to cradle his face in her hands.

"You're here." Sansa's sweet voice sang in his ears, and her smile shone brighter than the sun.

Sandor mirrored her awed shock. He could scarcely believe his beautiful Little Bird was right there, standing in front of him. He reveled in her touch as she caressed his face, her soft fingers lingering healingly over the scares he realized she did not see. It cooled and soothed his restless soul. He could not control his thoughts and they flooded his senses. He relived the first time he had ever seen her at Winterfell. He had summoned the courage to speak to her later at the tournament, but it was not to be for long. Sandor felt again, the burning disappointment when his words were cut short and all he could do was retreat. He remembered the satisfaction and joy of killing her attackers in the secluded store room in which they had cornered her. He would have cut down the entire world for her. He still would. How proud he was to have been the one to carry her to safety. His heart ached thinking of how he had left her after enjoying their passion. It was a moment he would always regret. He swore, that he would never leave her again.

Softly, Sandor took Sansa's hands, gently clasped them in his own, and kissed her palm. "Yes. Little Bird." He whispered. "I am here. Where I always should have been." His rough, sour exterior melted away upon seeing her. He was not used to being gentle with anyone, but he could treat her no other way.

Arya and Shae stood watching the reunion unfolding before them. Shae, seeing the joy and relief in Sansa, knew she had made the right choice in bringing Sandor Clegane to her. Arya, however, stared in disbelief. How could it be that her own sister was in love with such a man. She wondered what her father would say. The shock was evident on her face.

Sansa and Sandor stood together hand in hand, staring into each other's eyes for a few moments more before he finally spoke again.  
"Forgive me Little Bird." He begged. "I should never have left you."

Sansa swallowed and shook her head. "I should not have hesitated. I should have gone with you the moment you asked." Her eyes flooded with tears which silently slipped down her cheeks.

"You were frightened." Sandor soothed her.

Sansa nodded. "I was." She agreed. "But not of you. Never of you, My Love."

He closed his eyes for a moment delighting in her words. She still loved him. "I know that now." He confirmed. "Forgive me." He again entreated, kissing the fingers of the hand he still held to like a life line.

Sansa again caressed his cheek. "There is nothing to forgive."

With that Sandor took Sansa in his arms and kissed her softly and gently. She returned all the passion and love that she found in his embrace and on his lips. He never wanted to let her go. She never wanted him to. For a long moment they lost themselves in each other and had no wish to return. Finally, Sansa remembered the other tiny part of their love together that she longed to share with him, and reluctantly broke from their embrace.

Sandor refused to let her move away. "I swear." He promised. "I will never leave you again." He lingered with his lips on her forehead.

His vow warmed her heart, and gave her a reason to hope for the future. Sansa wanted desperately to share the news of their child with him, and hoped he would find as much joy in their daughter's existence as she did. She stared up into his loving eyes and summoned her courage.

"It isn't just me, anymore." Sansa told him softly, and pulled from his touch. He stared at her with bewilderment.

At that Shae climbed inside the wagon to retrieve the babe from her nap. Sansa was already backing away from Sandor who stood transfixed in confusion. Sansa reached the wagon door just as Shae returned, a bundle in her arms. The two women smiled at each other, as Sansa took her daughter and held her close. Arya immediately saw what was wrapped in her sister's arms, and her eyes went wild with amazement. She gasped in understanding. From the angle he stood, Sandor could not discern what his Little Bird carried until she turned and stepped to return to him. Realization dawned upon Sandor who stood frozen watching Sansa, his heart ready to burst.

Sansa peered down at her infant child cradled in her arms, smiling with pride as she crossed the distance to the baby's father. She reached Sandor as the child began to coo and her little hands reached up, searching for her mother's face. Sansa had dreamed of this moment, and savored it. Something deep inside her heart told her there was no need for nervousness as she finally presented the embodiment of their love to him.

"Sandor Clegane," Sansa announced breathless. "This is your daughter."

Unable to move, barely able to breathe, Sandor Clegane stared down at the most beautiful site that had ever met his eyes, his beloved Little Bird holding the precious child they had created together. Their daughter was the most exquisite creature he had ever seen. Of course she would be a beauty. Half of her was Sansa. He smiled, choking back tears at the thought. It was his half in the child that amazed him. He had lived with his hideous scares for so long that he had half expected any child he might ever father to carry them too. How astonished he was that even in infancy this child that was part of him was a vision.

Suddenly, as he watched Sansa with their baby, Sandor felt the hard stone cell that had for so long surrounded his heart crack and fall away. It was like he was reborn. " Oh Sansa. Oh Little Bird." He could barely whisper. "She's beautiful. Just like her mother."

Sandor now realized what it had been that had tormented his mind these past months. Somehow he had known, deep inside his heart, and his soul had been crying out to join her. A tear rolled his cheek as he took Sansa and the baby and wrapped them in his strong protective arms. Shame immersed him. He now had something else to regret. He had missed so much. "I should have been there, My Love." He admitted, lowering his eyes from them.

Sansa held him in her loving gaze. Her eyes holding no blame. There was no admonishment in her voice as she spoke. "Somehow, I think you were." She comforted, her tears matching his as he lowered his head to nestle her forehead. "I felt you with me the whole time." She smiled lovingly at him. He nodded in agreement, both understanding the connection they had felt while they had been parted from each other.

"What is her name?" He asked lovingly.

Sansa smiled at him bashfully. "I haven't given her a name. I wanted you to name her. I knew you were close. I knew I would find you." She explained. "I've been calling her...Little Bird...," Sansa paused, a knowing look on her lovely features as she watched Sandor's understanding of the pseudonym she had chosen for their child. . "...until you could name her."

Sandor caught his breath. This woman he loved so much was a continual amazement. He beheld his infant child searching for the name that would embody her spirit. His mind fell on the only other person in the world who had loved him. "Elinore," He announced, certain of his choice. "For my dear lost sister."

During her time in Kings Landing, Sansa has heard rumors of Sandor's sister and the fate that had befallen the girl apparently at the hands of their own brother, and she had been heartbroken for him. She could not imagine any greater way to honor the girl who had tried to protect him. Sansa had always felt a kinship with her. She smiled warmly at him. "It's perfect." She agreed.

Sansa nestled closer to Sandor. "Hold her." She offered.

Suddenly Sandor's face looked stricken. He wanted so desperately to cradle his newborn daughter in his arms, but never in his life had an act so thrilled and yet so frightened him. "Little Bird." He hesitated. "I'm so big and rough. She's so tiny and fragile." He stammered. "I fear I will hurt her." His eyes were pained.

Sansa looked on him sympathetically, and remembered the last words they had spoken to each other before he had left Kings Landing. She smiled lovingly at him. "You won't hurt her." She told him.

Sandor understood, and nodded his agreement. He marveled at how skilled Sansa was at holding their tiny babe as she maneuvered the little girl into his waiting arms. He barely breathed as his child was laid next to his chest. She felt weightless as he cradled her, yet his muscles tensed with nerves. He had never held a baby in his life. Every move he made amplified itself in his mind, and seemed a threat to his little daughter.

Sansa sensed his inexperience, and touched his arm reassuringly. She was aided in her efforts by the child herself. Almost immediately as her mother had laid her in her father's arms, the babe began to sigh and coo in happiness and contentment. As Sandor lowered his face to nuzzle his newborn, the child reached up with searching hands and played with his beard and his nose. "She knows who you are." Sansa told him.The smile of delight that he wore was sweeter to Sansa than anything she had ever seen. It was her turn to wrap her arms around her little family, and hold them tight.

Shae sensed the couple's need for privacy and motioned to Arya that they should move to the other side of the wagon. The girl complied, her mouth still hanging open in shock.

Alone together, Sansa and Sandor stood embracing each other and their infant daughter. "I am in awe of you, My Love." He told her. "I cannot imagine how frightened you must have been when you discovered..." He trailed off, chastising himself. "I am so proud of your strength. Other women would have taken the moon tea, and spared themselves the fear and pain." He knew that thought had never crossed Sansa's mind.

Sansa looked adoringly at her daughter and carefully stroked the child's head. "I could never have done that." She confirmed, and then her eyes misted as they met his. "She was all I had of you."

Sandor looked at her passionately. "Not any more." He vowed. He smiled down at his daughter. "Nothing, and no one will ever harm you, or your mother, Little Elinore." He swore to her, and then kissed her tiny forehead.

With that, Sandor motioned for Sansa to take the child. She happily complied, and once Elinore had been safely deposited back into her mother's waiting arms Sandor guided them to the steps of the caravan wagon. He gently seated Sansa on the bottom step as she held their baby close. Carefully he kneeled in front of her. Taking her free hand in his, he kissed it like the most chivalrous knight in the Seven Kingdoms, and stared into her deep blue eyes. "Marry me, my Little Bird." He pleaded. "I love you with all of my heart. Be my wife."

Happy tears once more sprang from Sansa's eyes at the words she longed to hear. Her heart felt as though it was so full of love for Sandor that it might burst. She nodded and gave him the answer he longed to hear. "Yes!" She told him. "Of course I will. I love you so. There is nothing else I want more than to be your wife."

Sansa stared at Sandor with such love and adoration that he lowered his head before her, soaking it in. She rested her fingers under his chin and drew his eyes to hers once more. "My father once told me that he would make a match for me of someone brave, and gentle, and strong." She smiled at him. "I think he has."

Straightening slightly to level his face with Sansa's, Sandor kissed her with all the passion in his soul. Once he had been the angriest and most bitter creature in the Seven Kingdoms. Today, his Little Bird had made him the happiest man in the world.  
*****************************  
The next day the small traveling party journeyed on northward to Winterfell, but not before stopping at a small sept in the village near the inn where Shae had found Sandor and Arya. The Septon happily greeted them and agreed to marry Sansa and Sandor in the small ancient godswood that bordered the tiny church. The loving couple joined hands and spoke the marriage vows together, as Arya held their daughter to witness. Sandor then cloaked Sansa in his worn green cloak. To Sansa, no velvet had ever felt finer. They kissed each other passionately and were joined. The happy couple were never parted again.


End file.
